Razorblade Romance
by marvelgirl89
Summary: Set between X1 and X2. After Rogue nearly kills herself in a fit of teen angst, Jean's unexpected reaction sparks a sudden realization and a whirlwind exploration of a love that no one saw coming. RogueJean femslash. If you don't like it, don't read it.
1. Everything

**Author's Note: **For the record, I'm hopelessly obsessed with the whole Rogue/Jean romance thing. So I'm writing a story about it. Again, if you don't like it you don't have to read it. And if you read it anyway and start flaming me about it, let me just remind you that my favorite X-woman manifests giant firebirds at random. Flames do not frighten me, puny mortals! For everyone else, please review. The more reviews I get, the sooner this fic starts living up to its rating (and you know what that means...SEX SCENES! YAY!) So yeah...please review. Thank you and enjoy!

And for anyone who cares, Rogue is 18 and Jean is 28. So there will be no one calling Jean a pedophile, a child molester, or any other name of that sort. Is that clear, children? We wouldn't want to make Phoenix angry, now would we?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own X-Men. Marvel does. Lucky bastards.

Everything felt wrong. But then, everything always felt wrong. Like there was something missing. Something important. Something she needed more than even she knew. But Jean knew. Jean always knew. No great surprise then that now, as her life tore itself apart at the seams, she needed Jean to know. Everything.

"Rogue?"

Her name was spoken softly, so softly that it sounded less a question than a prayer. Her voice was so tender, so gentle, so…desperate. Suddenly unable to find her own voice, Rogue struggled to form a coherent image in her mind. Something to do with an anvil and a roadrunner. The roadrunner got away.

"Well, Miss Coyote, maybe next time you'll know better than to play with heavy metal objects."

Jean always knew.

"That's really not funny, you know," Rogue said after a moment, her bleary eyes still trying to adjust to the harsh lighting of the infirmary. "And you know that's not what I meant."

"Yeah, I know."

The ghost of a smile danced across Jean's trembling lips. Rogue felt like she was drowning, and yet any inclination to fight the feeling had long since been abandoned. She was suddenly very glad they were alone. She hated when people saw her cry.

"It's okay. I won't tell."

Jean always knew.

"It's not fair," Rogue said finally, refusing to meet the older woman's eyes. "I don't want to play anymore."

It was strange. Everything had happened so fast. Probably a little too fast, but what the fuck, right? When you're eighteen there's no such thing as "too fast."

Jean cocked a disapproving eyebrow.

"Now that wasn't funny."

Jean always knew.

But that was the problem, wasn't it? She'd known. She'd known from the moment metal touched skin, if not before. Probably before. Typical. A perfectly good suicide attempt undermined by a telepath who couldn't keep it in her own damn head.

It was supposed to be so simple. Slip once, maybe twice…and that's it. The end. Point, set, match. Except that it wasn't. The anvil missed. The roadrunner got away.

"Well, to be fair, the roadrunner had help."

Jean always knew.

"Yeah, I suppose I did." Rogue's dark eyes held a hint of sad irony. "And by the way, it wasn't heavy."

"What wasn't?" Jean looked confused. Rogue decided to count it as an accomplishment.

"The razor. You said _heavy_ metal objects. The razor wasn't heavy."

Jean offered a cheerless smile. "Clever, smart ass."

"I thought so."

If it was anyone else, she wouldn't care. If it was anyone else, it wouldn't matter. But it wasn't anyone else. It was Jean. And that made all the difference.

"Jean?"

Brown eyes met green for the first time.

"I want you to know."

Jean's lip was trembling again.

"Everything."

**Author's Note:** So...yeah...PLEASE REVIEW! And by the way, I would just like to apologize to the author of the Rogue/Remy story also titled "Razorblade Romance." I only just found it today, so I swear I didn't steal your title on purpose! If you want me to change it, just let me know and I will. Sorry.


	2. Something Important

**Author's Note: **First of all, I want to thank firebird01 for the awesome review. I can't even tell you how excited I was to find out that someone actually liked something I wrote! So…yeah…THANKS! Anyway, this is it. Chapter 2. HOLY SHIT! I WROTE SOMETHING WITH MORE THAN 1 CHAPTER! Wow, I think I may have stopped breathing there for a moment. I'm better now. Well, enjoy…and please review. Please? I'm begging here, people! I'll do anything, ANYTHING! I'll even…I'll even…I'll…okay, maybe I won't do _that_. I think it's against my religion or something.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own X-Men. (Insert sad puppy dog face here.) Damn you, Marvel! (Insert horrified face here.) Did I just say that? I did _not_ just say that! Fuck…I think Phoenix is going to have to smite me now. Fuck.

She had such beautiful eyes. Like oxidized copper.

"You remind me of a fun house mirror."

"What?" Jean looked confused again. Really confused. Rogue smiled.

So maybe Jean didn't _always_ know.

"A fun house mirror," Rogue repeated. "The kind that makes you feel like you're standing in the middle of Time, with everything that ever was behind you and everything that's ever going to be stretched out like the yellow-brick road at your feet."

Jean blinked. She had such beautiful eyes. Like oxidized copper.

"You're kind of like that."

Such beautiful eyes.

She'd never meant to fall in love. She'd devoted a great deal of time to convincing herself that she wasn't. It couldn't be love…it just couldn't. She _loved_ Bobby, or at least she thought she did. This was just another side effect, something that would fade along with the nightmares and the taste for cigars. Yeah, that was it. Just some last lingering echo of Logan compounded by a mutual inability to sleep and long arms that weren't afraid to hold her when she cried. Yep, that was all.

What a joke.

"That was quite possibly the trippy-est compliment I've ever heard," Jean said finally.

"Maybe," Rogue conceded. "But it's still true."

Jean smiled in an awkward sort of way that made Rogue wonder if this was what it felt like to be high. She felt Jean's fingertips brush her forehead and had to remind herself to breathe. Just another side effect. Something that would fade with the nightmares. Yep, that was all.

Except that the nightmares never fade. Not hers, anyway.

What a joke.

"Sweetie, I think you need to lie down."

Lie down? She barely remembered sitting up. She was sitting up? Damn…maybe this _was_ what it felt like to be high.

"I meant what I said, you know," she said quietly. "And not just about the fun house mirror."

Jean smiled again, a wry curl of one side of her lip that Rogue had always known was just for her, that marked her as something more than special. Something important. She suddenly found herself laid flat on her back with no conscious memory of her brain ordering any such action.

"Yeah, I know."

Rogue was vaguely aware of Jean's hands framing her face, palms centimeters from her skin. Risky business that, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was her eyes. She had such beautiful eyes. Rogue felt every sensation thrust into sharp relief, felt a flood of warmth branching out in all directions in a rush of fire that filled her thoughts with a thousand beautiful things that all paled in comparison to _her_. And at the center of it all, a pair of green eyes. Green. Like oxidized copper.

She had such beautiful eyes.

She'd promised Jean everything. Damned if she wouldn't deliver. She surrendered it all: her hopes, her dreams, her fears…all she had and all she was belonged to Jean now. It took a rare sort of courage to reveal so much, and to a telepath there could be no greater form of intimacy than that which she was offering. Faith to the point of idolatry. Trust to the point of a vulnerability more intensely personal than most people could ever dream of.

"And trust me, sweetie," Jean whispered, not quite comprehending why her eyes were filling with tears. "You're not most people."

A mirror might be able to show you the world, but it can't be a world unto itself. There has to be something worthwhile reflecting.

Something important.

Jean suddenly found herself at a loss for words. Instead, she contented herself with cradling Rogue's head in her trembling hands, gathering the girl into her thoughts as naturally as if she had never been otherwise.

Rogue felt her own perceptions splinter, only to be replaced by a totality of thought and emotion that was as new to her as it was exhilarating. She couldn't breathe, didn't have to. She beheld the world through Jean's eyes and gasped to acknowledge a great and aching hollowness there, a sense that there was something missing. Something important. Splinters became prisms, reflecting a myriad of possibilities, all the things that might have been, all the things that still hung in balance of Fate. Jean's eyes flashed celestial fire and Rogue found herself surrounded by a kind of cosmic radiance that seemed to swallow her whole only to spit her out again reborn. Time stretched, expanded, turned back upon itself, enabling her to live a lifetime in an instant, and then go back and try it again. She flew across the face of Forever, with wings so wide they reached from the beginning to the end of All.

And then it stopped. She was glad, because even that fleeting glimpse had filled her with such wonder and pure, primal joy that much more might have been the end of her.

She waited as her senses reasserted themselves and found herself once more in the Mansion infirmary, lying flat on her back on a medical bed with Jean's hands cradling her head and tears streaming from her eyes. She smiled.

"Told you so."

Jean smiled back through tears of her own. "Yeah? Told me what?"

Rogue didn't answer, at least not with words. Instead, she collected piece by piece every splintered image from her tragically inadequate memory of a beauty that was so far beyond any human and earthly terms that there were no words to describe it and condensed them all into a single, oddly perfect image.

A fun house mirror.

"You're kind of like that."

Jean laughed, a flash of pure delight that burned itself indelibly on Rogue's memory.

"Thank you, Jean," she said quietly, realizing that perhaps their eyes had been locked for just a half-beat too long.

Jean nodded her understanding. She had no words for her, didn't need any.

Rogue sat up with surprising ease for someone who'd just had the cosmic carpet of reality pulled out from beneath her feet. She was smiling though, radiating more happiness than Jean had ever seen from her. But then, Jean realized, she'd hardly ever seen her truly happy. It was a state of being that had never exactly come easy—save for those few special moments when she'd managed to catch her by surprise, just off guard enough that she got that shy little smile of hers, the one that came without any of the filters of detachment and propriety and seemed to say so much more than was decent for a girl of such tender years.

It said _I love you_, and Jean knew it spoke only to her.

It had been so different with Scott. She'd loved him, yes, still did. But there had always been something missing. Something important. A kind of openness, an honesty of mind and spirit that Scott had never seemed quite able to give. That Rogue had given without a second thought, as though it were as natural as breathing. Faith to the point of idolatry. Trust to the point of a vulnerability more intensely personal than most people could ever dream of.

Jean blinked, blindsided by the magnitude of her own revelation. She loved Scott, yes. But she wasn't _in love_ with him.

Rogue was smiling at her again, that shy little smile. _I love you_, it whispered. _I love you_.

Only this time Jean smiled back, _I love you too_.

**Author's Note:** And the truth comes out! (Collective gasp from the audience.) But come on, were you really surprised? Anyhow, there you go. Chapter 2. Hope you enjoyed it. I know it can be a little hard to follow at times, so thanks for sticking in there. And fun house mirrors rock! So…yeah…PLEASE REVIEW!


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